The location and vibe
UM Beach House Portals can be found in the upmarket Puerto Portals area of Majorca, just a few miles away from Palma.
The venue really leans into the slow living ethos, inviting you to disconnect and enjoy the ambience. Every last detail is tailored to this mindset. Whether it be the around-the-clock care from attentive staff or the soothing rhythms of the music, even the most highly strung person could find their bliss here. From the minute you set foot inside, it really is a transportive experience.
The clientele of UM Beach House Portals all have the same goal in mind — pure relaxation. Oversized day beds adorn the outdoor deck, encircling the pool, which is the club’s main hub.
We ordered two cocktails right off the bat (the Tulum with Patrón tequila and pink grapefruit soda and the Kate Moss with Grey Goose vodka, passionfruit and vanilla). As we settled into our daybeds with drinks in hand and the sun beating down, we couldn’t help but marvel that it really doesn’t get much better than this.
The food
The food here is undoubtedly a standout. Mediterranean flavours are at the fore, featuring dishes made from fresh, seasonal produce. The space is lit by wraparound windows which allows light to flood in, and taking in those views of the sparkling sea makes the dining experience even more enjoyable.
We enjoyed a bottle of the UM house rosé, which was refreshing, punchy and paired well with everything.
The menu is expansive and contains everything from wild sea bass to pesto rigatoni. Given the weather, we opted for a range of light plates (think calamari, caesar salad and french fries) — none of which disappointed.
While it’s always hard to pick a favourite, the crudités platter may well have stolen the show. Tangy chickpea hummus, rich beetroot hummus and creamy tzatziki came with a healthy serving of pillowy soft pitta bread and crunchy vegetable sticks. The portion size was generous and filling, but the flavours and crispness are what made it truly memorable.
It’s worth noting there is a slightly different poolside menu if you’re prioritising sun-soaking. Here, you can find a range of fresh and filling options, from the classic club sandwich to the likes of tacos, burgers and a selection of salads.
Regardless of where you dine, the culinary aspect is a real standout here.
